E-Mailbag for August 23, 2008

Hairball: It never ceases to amaze me that 8 years after creating that infamous April Fools joke that had already been done so many times, emails still come for it. But yes, keep looking, you'll find it, it's like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

SolarGamer: Even after all these years, we are STILL getting emails about Luigi in Super Mario 64? Either Nick is a little slow or Hairball's April Fool's joke truly was brilliant.
...
Since we all know Hairball is far from brilliant, I think I will go with Nick being a little "slow".

Tiger: I don't think it is really true about Luigi because you were standing in the wrong spot in the cement thing in the pond. Please try harder before you e-mail again.

Peachy: Haha wow. I love how YEARS after that was posted people are still falling for it. Absolutely classic.

BigHornSheep: No, it's not true, it is true however when your friends told you to get a new system, they were NOT lying! Go get something new and cool.

BeckerManEX: You would think after all these years people would give up on this dream, all it takes is some half-assed Photoshopped pictures and you have yourselves a 1,000 pound gorilla for the better part of a decade.

Hairball: Mario, after all, he is the best right?

SolarGamer: Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.

Tiger: The Hilary Clinton Death Stare (TM).

Peachy: As much as I love Mario... I have to go with Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, wet gets Chuck Norris.

BigHornSheep: Not sure, certainly NOT Bill Clinton or his successor though.

BeckerManEX: Chuck Norris, but who would win in this, Chuck Norris or The Most Interesting Man in the World?

Hairball: Of course he is, Solar decided to make a return after been away for God knows how long. I heard he got sent to Guantanamo Bay for attempting to plot an overthrow of the United States government.

SolarGamer: Yes, I am back for the time being. I just completed a year long stint in rehab. They arrested me after they caught me living under a bridge eating passing goats. With that said, you are drug addict, my friend, and you must get help. No sober or sane human being would continue to come to this site for any extended period of time. And how's this for an insult, "Yo momma".
(I must be getting rusty with my old age.)

Tiger: Here you go, the next emailbag. Enjoy. Solar is still yet Missing In Action. Where is he exactly? Nobody knows, oh SM128C's own Man of Mystery.

Peachy: Here's your emailbag :) Solar's not very active on the site anymore - no one is, really, unless you check out the message boards.

BigHornSheep: Your first question is really hard to answer, since you've been coming since 2002, you should know that the questions are answered in the e-mailbags, so I should be answering when the one after this current one will be out? I'd say roughly the interval between the last one and this one multiply by 1.4 plus/minus 42 days.

BeckerManEX: The question of the next email bag will be answered...now.

Hairball: Oh no we won't! Well, unless I get put into my grave soon. But then again I think my spirit will somehow find a way to connect to the Hell Internet Service and make sure that updates are still made.

SolarGamer: The Understaker is essentially the Grim Reaper isn't he? Tell me, do you get boners? Get it? Cause the Grim Reaper is a skeleton and erections are commonly called "boners"? I am so clever...

Tiger: Alright! We are peaceful people!

Peachy: Nah - Here's proof that we're all still in touch and active with the site.

BigHornSheep: Yup, it's been undertaken. Thank you.

BeckerManEX: It certainly will, but we do have kind of a pulse.

Hairball: Adam, you're quite intelligent for pointing that point out. I mean, WHO WOULD'VE KNEW? I think you deserve a cookie. I'm serious.

SolarGamer: It was an April Fools joke Adam. However, if you give me your parents credit card information, I promise I will mail you the game for free. You can trust your ol' pal, Solee.

Tiger: You are quite the keen one, we did not completely fool you. Sooooo yeah no worky.

Peachy: I don't remember seeing that - but I can't believe that that would be true. I mean, there might be a ROM out there for download - but that's illegal, of course :)

BigHornSheep: You noticed correctly!

BeckerManEX: April Fools jokes just won't go away. SMG is available from your local friendly retail store, Super Mario 64 is available or download via the Wii Store.

Hairball: It worked because of incredibly smart people who made applications like Adobe Photoshop, that let you make lots of fun things, to confuse kiddies like you.

SolarGamer: What the heck are you talking about, Poindexter?

Tiger: WHAT ELSE WERE YOU EXPECTING?

Peachy: OMFGLOOKATTHEDATEOFTHATARTICLE

BigHornSheep: hairball first downloaded Photoshop for the Wii, and then got a Wifi mouse, that's why it worked.

BeckerManEX: Is it too late to keep sighing?

Hairball: Yep! If there are pictures, it has to be true, if it's on the Internet, it has to be true. So why would you think it isn't? Does SM128C really have no credibility? We're the best Mario site on the Internet, you can trust it. Take my world for it.

SolarGamer: Oh, I get it now. Hariball must have pulled another one of his "clever" April Fool's Day jokes. You would think I would know these things since I am still technically an employee here. Speaking of which, where's my paycheck, Harry?

Tiger: Hoax. Another gullible person fooled.

Peachy: OMFGLOOKATTHEDATEOFTHATARTICLE

BigHornSheep: You may direct your funds to hairball or his close associates, you will receive your special points card within 96 business years. Thanks.

BeckerManEX: People, please, you are way to gullible, look at the date, look at this sites history!

Hairball: Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. But fool me 10 times? Sigh.

SolarGamer: Obviously the key demographic for Hairball's website is people with an IQ "dumber than dirt".

Tiger: I can tell you why, because it was all a clever ruse! Muwhahahah!

Peachy: Seriously? Again?

BigHornSheep: See above.

BeckerManEX: Seriously people, seriously.

Hairball: Pissing people off like you gives me immense joy, perhaps I'm just too sadistic.

SolarGamer: You just broke my heart! I thought we had something special between us. Now you tell me that you "hate" me? I gave birth to your child the other night, Chris! Don't make me flush are little brown baby down the toilet!

Tiger: Another victim, another laugh for us.

Peachy: Sigh.

BigHornSheep: I'm sorry to be the one that tells you Christmas isn't real. Coco-cola lied, so did SM128C.

BeckerManEX: You should hate yourself, only because you fell for such an obvious joke when all the signs point to it being fake.

Hairball: Simply because I am the king of Mario hoaxes on April Fools.

SolarGamer: Of course it didn't work, Joe. Nintendo has a no retard policy in effect. Like, duh.

Tiger: It appeared on the date of April 1st = jokes galore. Fooled you.

Peachy: We're all very sorry. Hairball made a mistake when posting that article - you were supposed to go and buy 1600 different Wii points cards and load them all into your wii. Go and do that now, and your problems will be solved. Sorry about the mistake.

BigHornSheep: See above.

BeckerManEX: That's it I'm done. /walks out studio door

Hairball: So I guess that is why you choose to remain anonymous? Because you don't sound very intelligent.

SolarGamer: I am so turned on right now. That was the single most erotic email I have ever read.

Tiger: Anonymous vs Anomymous? Hrm l2spellkthx.

Peachy: Is Anonymous the new and hot name for the Borg?

BigHornSheep: That's nice, not interested.

BeckerManEX: We are the Borg. Lower your shields. Your biological and technological distinctivness will be added to our own. Resistance if futile!

Hairball: Of course I am, will it be chicken, beef, or pork?

SolarGamer: How many people are coming? I don't know if I can handle everyone's meat in my grill at the same time, but gosh darn it, we can try.

Tiger: Really now, you wanna burn your meat? Think of the potential pain.

Peachy: Ahahahaha - I love corny pickup lines. The best one I ever got was when I was working at CVS in high school and had to ask everyone if they had their "Extra Care Card," and some guy said back "No, but I could use some extra care." Hah I laughed in his face.

BigHornSheep: That's nice too, definitely NOT interested.

BeckerManEX: Hey-ho!

Hairball: We'll be even funnier now that Solar is back! But about the crossover games, I kind of like it, I've liked the tennis games, and the strikers series, they're quite entertaining.

SolarGamer: I am glad you are amused by my mental illness. I am a mean and vile human being as evidenced by these email bags, so for you to be entertained by me makes you an even more horrible human being than I. You disgust me!

Tiger: Crossover games like Mario vs. Sonic Olympics? Hmmmmmm stupid. Usually done to milk the franchise, so low production values = poor product.

Peachy: This is actually a good question, I'm surprised. I think it would be interesting, but I don't know how that could ever work out well - the Smash Bros characters all have different kinds of gameplay in each of their respective games, and it might clash badly. It would be pretty bad ass to see a crossover of my two faves, Mario and Zelda.

BigHornSheep: I think you're hilarious too! But then, who cares what we think?

BeckerManEX: While I haven't played Mario and Sonic at the Olympics, I know it sold very, very well. Mario has appeared in many different series either as cameos or full fledged crossovers if you could Smash Bros. as one of these series.

Hairball: I'm sure Solar will still be bragging about how this is going to be the best story ever.

SolarGamer: One these days I will finish it. Mark my words. I have the whole story planned from start to finish and if I ever complete, it will be the best Mario story ever. Anyway, I am slowly re-uploading the story to fanfiction.net. Maybe I can convince Hairball to start posting the story back on the site?

Tiger: Ah, Super Mario Saga. The epic Mario fanfic. I believe you'd have to personally stalk SolarGamer, which I have not heard from in ages. Last I heard he was frolicking around somewhere sunny Southern California. I mean srsly, everyone wants a piece of him and his snarky emailbag retorts.

Peachy: SolarGamer was the author of that - I don't think that it's posted on the site anymore, and it has been most definately abandoned.

BigHornSheep: Good question, I think it disappeared with the author.

BeckerManEX: Wow we're certainly getting old school now.

Hairball: I hate people that laugh at their own jokes. You know what I call them - douchebags.

SolarGamer: Next you are going to tell us you were shocked to find porn on the internet. Obviously you weren't aware of our Email Bag either. We eat dorks like you for breakfast around here. Did you know a dork is a whale's wiener? Hmm, hotdogs. Hmm, penis. Hmm. Ricky Martin. Oops! I mean boobies! Yeah? boobies! I'm not gay! Where was I going with this?

Tiger: I do not Jerk, however I'm sure of other staffers that do. So you paid money to "re-own" the game? Well haha you fell for it! Check the dates before you go believing anything you read on the Internets.

Peachy: Pure gold.

BigHornSheep: Oh man...what much did you spend on the "virtual console?"

BeckerManEX: Seriously how could you be pissed off at "re-owning" Super Mario 64? Its one of the most revolutionary games of our entire generation (if not THE most) and owning it six different ways is only showing everyone you know that you have the good taste to own a piece of history six different times.

Hairball: It seems increasingly rare for us to get some positive e-mails, let alone any e-mails now. But thank you for the continued support!

SolarGamer: You know, I was just reading through some of the past e-mail bags and I truly was HORRIFIED by some of my responses. Some of them truly were vulgar and had no place on this site. I was a bad little boy. Want to spank my round supple booty, Dantes, and teach me a lesson.? Uh-oh. Did I just type that? There I go again!

Tiger: We are here to please. Even though Hairball is a huge slacker not cutting us our checks since he still receives minor income from this site. What is up with that? I mean here I am, so eager to respond to e-mailbags again, and those damn Canadians try to rip off us Americans. Psshh so drink your Molson!

Peachy: Thanks! It's very true - back when the site was active most of us were pretty young and had a lot of time on our hands. Not so much anymore - I know for me at least, college and work takes up most of my time.

BigHornSheep: We want to thank YOU for your questions, it helps HB to want to keep SM128C alive. Thanks!

BeckerManEX: Now go talk to all the people above who hate use and our tricky antics.

Hairball: I love wandering around. I mean like, who doesn't? It's not like any of us have plans to rule the world or to do something constructive. Most of us just live life waiting to die, it's a sad fact. Accept it.

SolarGamer: Damn it Hairball! I am tired of answering the same question over and over again! Can't you include more emails of people stroking my ego?

Tiger: Why would you want to download the demo when you can walk into any respectable game store and purchase the actual full Super Mario Galaxy game?

Peachy: I just shot myself

BigHornSheep: You missed the window of opportunity, how quickly did you input the numbers?

BeckerManEX: Even though I already left, I'm doing it again.

Hairball: cjrs, I'll close your face.

SolarGamer: Never!!! This is the only site on the web for perverted, immature Mario fanatics such as myself! Without us, a small group of lonely miserable people would have to adjust their antisocial ways and actually get a life. That won't happen on my watch, bub! As God as my witness, SM128C will always be around, answering the call of the few, the proud, and the geeky! Amen.

Tiger: Really, all you have to do is click the close button on your browser.

Peachy: to your mother

BigHornSheep: Sure, but your valued comments would never make it out. The world NEEDS to know what you think!

BeckerManEX: It looks like we were darn close for a while, but your wish hasn't come to pass...yet.