E-Mailbag for January 1, 2003

Glomerate wrote:

Hey Hairball,

Well I have worked on this Petition because it seems as though Miyamoto plans (or planned on) having Sonic in the upcoming Mario Kart for Gamecube. I started this petition to try and save the game from being a cheap crossover game with a gimmick. If you could check it out and maybe help me get a few names, that would be great. Thanks man and keep up the great work!

Check it out here: http://glomerate.8m.com

Hairball: I don't see what the problem of having Sonic in Mario Kart is. It'd be more like Smash Bros, with all those characters, therefore a lot more fun...

TW: Personally, I couldn't care less whether Sonic the Hedgehog is in Mario Kart for GameCube.

SolarGamer: Glomerate... you are making a petition just so Sonic won't be in the next Mario Kart videogame? That is lamer than Christmas! Of all the true causes and other things you could start petitions for, you choose a fucking videogame crossover to bitch about. Who the fuck are you to say how they should make their game? They could stick Monica Lewinsky in there and you still have no right to complain. If you really have a stick that far up your butt, I suggest you go to the ER immediately before I shove my foot up their with it. Who am I kidding though, you would probably like that wouldn't you. The point is STOP screwing that cow!

Tiger: Yuck, I hope Sonic isn't gonna be it in it. I think not.

Homer: Sonic on Mario Kart would be cool. But then it wouldn't make sense for it to be called Mario Kart. But hey.. Sonics cool.

FireKraken: I think that Sonic would be a bad addition for mario kart because.. he doesn't need a cart? He's already faster then them all?

Net-tech: Yes, he sent me this too. It's really lame.

Peachy: petitions suck.

J-Byrd wrote:

Wow, not only can you talk a pile of shit, but you can also wallow in it. You aren't worth the prostitue that made you, so suff your comments right back up where you got em'. I'm not sure they'll actually fit though, with everything (and everyone) else you got cram in there as well.

Hairball: Hmmm... you sure need some anger management. Starting by taking a few pills. And Mario Guide is still, and always will be ass.

TW: Mario Guide, where they *Guide* people to *Mario*'s ass.

SolarGamer: (1) I can talk a lot more than a pile of shit, I can talk around twenty gallons of diarrhea . As for wallowing in it... Hairball seems to be having too much fun and would hate to get in the middle of his excitment (If you ever saw Hairball aroused you'd know what I mean, it ain't a pretty picture.) (2) My mom is not a prostitute you cow fucking son of a goat... she is high class CALL GIRL!! GET IT RIGHT BEOTCH! (3) I am not going to stuff my comments back in my mouth as you would actually be correct... for you see I AM busy eating out to many people to shove my words back in my mouth. I can't help but cram as many woman love holes in my mouth at once. (OH MY GOD! I am really not this big of a pervert in real life, I SWEAR! I am just so horny as I am writing this and J-Byrd here is hogging all the cows for his own selfish pleasure.)

Tiger: Wow, so descriptive. And says nothing either.

Homer: We also eat a lot of SHIT

FireKraken: Thank you.

Net-tech: Haha, I honestly don't care, but Hairball forgot to include what he sent J-Byrd first. Here's what he wrote: "Your articles are pure crap, my dog can write better articles than you. You're just some dumb 12 year old kid trying to be a wannabe writer." Not that I disagree (or agree), but I think Hairball forgot the other side of the story.

Peachy: hmm, well while we talk a pile of s***, as you say, you ARE a pile of s***, so you really can't talk.

Kain wrote:

I was just curious: Do you people ever get intelligent questions/comments in this e-mail bag? Whenever I look, I see nothing but idiots.

Anyway, is there going to be a Mario Party 5? Good god, if there is I'm gonna kick Nintendo so hard in the ass the people there'll be shitting out of their foreheads for a week.

And I don't really want to buy the GBA Super Mario Yoshi's Island game, and I can't find it for SNES anywhere, even on the net, so do any of you know where to get it for the SNES? Thanks anyway in advance.

P.S: SolarGamer you're cool.

Hairball: Mario Party is a pretty popular series, so I'm pretty sure there would be a next installment, but no dates have been announced yet.

TW: No, there is no intellegent comments in the E-Mailbag. There probably will be a Mario Party 5. Can you not buy SNES Yoshi from E Bay?

SolarGamer: Hmmm... Kain are you coming on to me? Let me quote your actual words: "SolarGamer you're cool". Now I know most guys and girls dig me, as both sexes can't help but be sexually attracted to the tanned, lean and muscular, big dicked pretty boy german that is I... But honestly I don't swing that way. The most I will let you do is suck me off cause as I said early, I am horny as fuck and it now seems Homer is getting busy with the cows taking away my turn.

Tiger: Hrm, intelligence is rare along these areas. Maybe you might constitute a non-intelligence email with your language as well.

Homer: Hahahahaha, Mario Party 5. Its not our problem we don't get intelligent questions. There are too many people like you out there.

FireKraken: Try ebay for that Yoshi's Island.. I think we get actual questions sometimes... but it's hard to tell. And, might I add, the Mario Party series blows goats.

Net-tech: Download the ROM. It's easy to find.

Peachy: Nope, no intellegent questions at all.

James wrote:

hey where can i watch a preview or review of super mario sunshine

Hairball: If you mean "read", then just look over at the SM128C Reviews section!

TW: www.sm128c.com

SolarGamer: You know... I first noticed that my son fancied his mother at around birth time. I just thought it was a phase of growing up that all males went through. It wasn't until I looked into my son's eyes as he suckled on my wife's breast to drink the juice that oozed from her nipple, that I saw this gleam of lust in the babies eye and a cold taunting look that screamed to me that forever would his mother remain his mother first and wife to me second. I would spy on my wife and son periodically and at times when changing the infants diaper, the baby would laugh and coo as his bare naked flesh flashed on before my wife's very eyes. He would do other things like vomit on her as if marking his territory. I knew what I had to do and what I had to do was get rid of my son before my wife did actually cheat on me with him. But how? How would I get rid of my own flesh in blood? For if any other man had done what my son was doing to my wife, he would have been dead on the spot. I think it is time that he and I have a man to man talk, and if he still fancies my wife... He WILL come to reason... or ELSE! McGaffin WATCH OUT!!!

Tiger: Some game sites have it like, like ign.com. But they have an annoying daily bandwidth rate that is quite stupid.

Homer: You ass, the games out already. Go buy it.

FireKraken: *shrug* www.nintendo.com

Net-tech: We have three over at

Peachy: dunno ask someone who actually has some intellegence.

Yoshisirna wrote:

Super Mario Sunshine is a great game. The story is original. The best part is Yoshi!

P.S. I'm so damn fuckin' pissed off at you. You have no damn right to call anyone retarded. They can't help it if they are mentally retarded. Also that shit for brains fool Solar is nothing but a racist bastard. In my opinion you make other people feel like a bitch. So you fuckin pricks should be ashamed of yourselves.

Hairball: It's quite interesting that your P.S. is longer than your original message. Strange.

TW: Blah, Blah, Blah.

SolarGamer: Yes I support retard rights. How could I disrespect the only kind of people that can give me countless hours of entertainment. If they made a station of real retards 24/7 I would be watching and laughing my ass off non stop. As for me being racist? Pa-lease! I just believe that the Germans are the most superior race. That doesn't mean that I hate all the other races... I just personally am grossed out by some of their physical traits and scoff at their intelligence level... Does that mean I hate them? NO! Someone needs to mow my lawn, someone needs to clean my house... Did I make you feel like a bitch Yoshisirna? Good, cause you are a bitch my honey, my sweetie pie. I also have the strangest feeling that you have Down Syndrome and if you do I gots da two words to say to dat: HA HA!

Tiger: SMS is great. Yoshi!! Heh, well, that's solar for you.

Homer: You fucking retard. I thought you were a good man. I guess i was wrong.

FireKraken: Holy shit! This is my kinda guy. Solar, you're a dipshit and I'm glad I'm not the only one that notices. And I'm not ashamed of myself because I don't call people retarted... unless they deserve it ;)

Net-tech: The story is original, but shit. And yes, Hairball has pointed out in the chat room that Yoshi "gives everyone a great "ride", and he has a big penis". Also, I realized that Yoshis can have oral sex from far distances. For more of this type of wit, head on over to the Chat Room (yes, this is why it is dead).

Peachy: well too bad we're not, so you just keep being pissed and we'll just keep laughin at your stupidity.

Danny wrote:

There is a missing link in Smb128c.com it's The Super Mario Saga, can u fiz it, I've been waiting a long time to get it.

Hairball: *cough* SM128C.com *cough*

TW: Please spam solargamer@sm128c.com about it. It isn't Smb128c.com.

SolarGamer: Hmm, The prologue will be up January 1st, followed by a chapter a day for the whole month of January. Sorry about the month delay, but I have a life outside the internet ;).

Tiger: It's quite hard to fiz things on the net these days..

Homer: lol, thats not a link.

FireKraken: Uhm.. ookie

Net-tech: It sucks anyway. It's one inch away from becoming a lemon.

Peachy: um we are NOT smb128c. get it right.

Firendly Fish Man wrote:

Hello. I am a friendly fish man. I am half fish, and half man. I breathe water. You know you want to get it on with this...

Hairball: No wonder something seems fishy around here...

TW: Firendly?

SolarGamer: Ok "Firendly Fish Man"... I will get right to my point. Your message reminds me of the movie The Little Mermaid. I remember being a little boy and imagining myself sticking my "wee wee" in Ariel's scaly egg sack. Seriously that little mermaid is hot and I bet she gives excellent head, her not having to breathe out of her mouth and all. She does have gills after all... Or does she.

Tiger: Fish? Interesting. Not something that I would be interested though.

Homer: You're the mermaid? Want to spend a night with me?

FireKraken: In reference towards the post by Yoshisirna, you are a retarded idiot.

Net-tech: Of course I do. I am not limited to fucking Yoshis.

Peachy: O yea. Fish really turn me on.

Hey hey wrote:

is luigi in super mario sunshine?

Hairball: We will have the answer to that in the coming months.

TW: I have no idea.

SolarGamer: No, he is in your ass looking for your dildo. Seriously, how should I know poindexter?

Tiger: Of course not.

Homer: He sure is.

FireKraken: Possibly?

Net-tech: Yes, no, maybe, so.

Peachy: wow a short, to the point message. I am in shock.

Phantaz wrote:

I got this weird little game pack from Japan that has a game called Mario Land 4. Is it a pirated game, or is it real?

Hairball: I believe I have seen that game too. It's some game that was hacked and had Mario images pasted in, to make it seem like a new Mario game. But I can tell you something, it sucks.

TW: It's a pirated game, obviously.

SolarGamer: I want to be where the people are! I want to see, want to see them prancing! Walking around on their, what's that word again? Feet! Flipping your fins you don't get to far. Legs are required for jumping, dancing. Strolling along down that, what's that word again? Street! Up where they walk! Up where they run! Up where they stay all day in the sun! Wandering free! Wish I could be! Part of that world! - Damn the little mermaid is hot... I sure wouldn't mind making her a part of my world. I bet she never saw a tentacle as big as mine. And I said TESTICLE! I mean... TENTACLE!

Tiger: More information would be helpful.

Homer: According to my knowledge. Its a fake cart

FireKraken: The Japanese are a curious people...

Net-tech: It's Asia. Probably pirated.

Peachy: ur mom.

Family Duvander wrote:

My god this site suck ass, you losers should have X-Box. With us making porn games like Dead or Alive and since Nintendo was bought out by Microsoft Peach will waer hardly any clothing what so ever. Zelda will use magic spells when sucking off Link. And Samus will be sexully masterbated by Halo characters. What fun!!!

Some Temco asshole

P.S.Chris Stamper and Ken Lobb are having sex together and some Rare person just hung himself and Toad just grew a dick.

Hairball: Sexually masturbated? Um, isn't masturbation always very sexual? Well, it is to me.

TW: ...

SolarGamer: Porn games? PORN GAMES! Maybe Microsoft could hire me for the model. I said it once and I'll say it again I WILL DO GAY PORN! Nothing actually gay mind you, but you get paid handsomely just for jacking off on camera hence it being considered "gay porn". I will only have to work once a month!!!! Jealous? I think so. Word. Microsoft Word. Ah, you just a playa hata. Real One Player. Wow! I'm having deja vu! It's like... all... this... has... happened... BEFORE!!!

Tiger: Man, such crude subjects. I personally do not like Xbox.

Homer: XBox is cool. I'll certainly buy it if Bill Gates pay me to buy it.

FireKraken: Grr. By the way... is toad a guy or a girl? An age old question revisitied! :D

Net-tech: Sexually masturbated? How is that different from being "normally" masturbated?

Peachy: sounds great.

Foxy Girl wrote:

Merry Christmas one and all!I love your site,it rocks! I'm a 17-year old senior girl in high school and I visit your site every day. P.S. Do you think it would be fun to have sex with Fox McCloud from Star Fox Adventures?He is soooo hot! Bye bye! :)

Hairball: Fucking wild animals seems to be quite dangerous... If you are a horny high school girl, why don't you just find some guy who will sleep with you. I mean unless you are a fat ass and/or ugly bitch, that would be no problem at all. Just dress like a whore and you'll pick up some guy easily.

TW: I sense beastality. Phone 911.

SolarGamer: My horniness just went down as you are clearly a MAN pretending to be a girl. How do I know? Girls do NOT have any sexual drive what so ever nor would they talk about it if they did. Women are supposed to be innocent and free from such lust, unless you are a slut or a whore... or in your case a "transvestite". Where am I going with this? Oh yeah! Most girls that play video games are butt ugly. But perhaps the most important of all is that in communist Russia, car drive you.

Tiger: Oh man, yet another sign of crudeness.

Homer: I hope you're hot. We certainly do appreciate hot visitors.

FireKraken: Well, I'm pleased to announce that the male gender isn't the only gender that fantisizes about video game characters... Btw... I dont think I would be into the whole bestiality scene....

Net-tech: That is disturbing. Of course, if you are hot, I can dress up as Fox, and we can get it on.

Peachy: bye bye Ms. Preppy!!!!!

Happy New Year wrote:

Hey you all do you hear, its the sound of change and the E-mail bag SUCKS, lol, i eat yiou with my jaw of doom!!!

Hairball: Ummm.. happy new year to you too?

TW: Please learn to spell and use grammar properly.

SolarGamer: NO! The e-mail bag does not "suck", it receives the suck. I do not suck dick, but I let others suck mine. I think that is you that in fact "suck" as you clearly state that you "ate us with your jaw of doom". YOU SUCK my friend, not the other way around. I hope that your eyes are as big as your balls as they must be like a speaker phone.

Tiger: What? Can't understand the last part.


FireKraken: Gasp. Ya know... I don't think anything suprises me anymore..

Net-tech: What was the "lol" for? Nobody said anything funny.

Peachy: wow cool!!

Someone wrote:

How come THe SUper Mario Saga isn't being updated?

Hairball: Cause Solar is being a little ho.

TW: solargamer@sm128c.com

SolarGamer: The Super Mario Saga is over... In the last episode Peach explodes for no reason. Don't ask me why, I am just the soul creator and writer. How should I know.

Tiger: Because Solar lies. LIES!

Homer: Because Solar is busy masturbating with butter.

FireKraken: Because we're lazy.

Net-tech: Because Solar has been busy sucking Hairball. That is why TW has taken charge and has been updating recently.

Peachy: DUH, cuz Solar is too lazy to do anything, didn't you know that?

The Night Wind wrote:

Do you see what I see?

Hairball: That sure reminds me of a CIBC commercial. Damn plugs.

TW: Nope.

SolarGamer: Yes I see my dick... HO HO! Bet you all didn't see that one coming ;) Get it? COMING! My oh my, aren't you the perverted one.

Tiger: Quite possibly. A computer screen.

Homer: I see your penis

FireKraken: ...Way up in the sky, shepard boy?...

Net-tech: Perhaps.

Peachy: YEA!!! WOW!!! The sheep are coming!!!! RIGHT SKIPPY!!!!!

FluidMotion wrote:

Do you guys, like, have a mario website?

Hairball: You're here right now!

TW: Nope!

SolarGamer: No we have a BIRD PORN website.

Tiger: Yup, right here in fact.

Homer: Does this, look, like a mario site?

FireKraken: Like, I dunno! Totally!

Net-tech: Well that was a stupid question.

Peachy: Do you, like, have some balls? Nope, didn't think so.


HOW DARE YOU?I AM NOT A BOY!Ne gre nee te ne gre! [translation:Fuck you, I kill you now!

Hairball: I'm a girl, not yet a woman... ok that didn't seem very right.

TW: This gets worse and worse...

SolarGamer: I am gay today, as I am so happy. Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows in the sky! Let's all go to Mary Jane's and get so fucking high!

Tiger: Yet another pointless post.

Homer: Hmm, what language is that. It looks so Pakish.

FireKraken: Our emailbag has reached a new low... someone made up their own non-sensical language..

Net-tech: I can't think of anything amusing, so just shut up.

Peachy: tjwe aseq erb nee no nah RIGHT SKIPPY!!! [translation: WOW you are retarded RIGHT SKIPPY!!!

OH YEAH! wrote:

Am I sexy or what?

Hairball: Pixels on a computer screen sure do get me off, yes.

TW: Don't know, I can't see you.

SolarGamer: No I am the only sexy one here... Well, maybe if Namek were here he would be two. Just think of Namek's hot body makes me so... OOPS! I mean yes, I am the only hot one here.

Tiger: Questionable, but alas, no.


FireKraken: Like, whoa!

Net-tech: I doubt it.

Peachy: nope.

Kuehnau wrote:

Super Mario Sunshine, at first glance looks like another damn kiddie game, cause Nintendo is known to make alot of that crap. And the comercial didnt help much.

But Upon playing it, the game is quite fun, and terribly hard. I would think this game would bring a child to tears.

I know, I busted one of my GameCube controllers in half, I got so mad at them damn action stages. Some times I could almost cry.

This game is fun, the length is long enough, for me anyways, and challangeing.

p.s. Mario looks sexy in his new "T-shirt" with some of his skin showing on his arms. Giggle.

Actully I would think him a hairy man,next time I suggest Nintendo add ass, back and stomace hair to the lard ass Mario.

Hairball: Yes, Super Mario Sunshine is quite a bitch to play. Only your local video game geeks will find it fun. If you have problems, I would advise seeking a guide or something.

TW: SMS is very hard yes, and I doubt even women would find Mario sexual.

SolarGamer: Pardon me... Do you have any grey poupon? Pardon me... Do you have any grey condoms? Pardon me... Do you have any grey crack cocaine? Pardon me... but do you have any grey diaphragms? Pardon me... Do you have any grey hemorrhoid cream? ... ... ... Yes I know this was quite RETARDED indeed, but what the fuck do you expect me to say. I can only insult so much before I even start to offend myself.

Tiger: SMS is awesome. Although I might not agree with some of the things said in the PS.

Homer: SMS is very frustrating. I personally don't like it at all.

FireKraken: Thanks for the review..

Net-tech: LOL, that is incredibly sad. If you get mad at a video game and start to break things, that is not healthy. Please seek help.

Peachy: wow people are retarted and perverted.

Luigi128 wrote:

You know what I think is really stupid? When you losers ask a question as your reply. 99.9% of your questions will never even get the chance to be answered (i.e-"Are you the same Luigi128 from 1999?") But just to humor you, I'll answer your question. YES! DUH!!!!!!!! No, I'm not the same guy I just saw him in 1999 and thought his name looked coo- COME ON!GOSH! DON'T ASK STUPID QUESTIONS! E-MAILBAGS ARE FOR ANSWERING NOT ASKING!!! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE, I'D RATHER BE DEAD!!!!!!!! (Note: Please consider me as a staff member. I promise I can bring a little sanity to your site.)

Hairball: Wait a second. You say you ARE the Luigi128 from 1999, and you say you aren't? Do you have multiple personalities? Are you stupid, or are you just plain insane? And no, you can't be part of our site, we don't allow mentally retarded people to join.

TW: I think HB would shut the site down rather than hire you.

SolarGamer: Quiet you Luigi128... you... you... meanie. Now I know this insult was my worst of the whole e-mail bag, but it HAD to be said. Anyways now it's time to say goodbye and I sincerely hope I didn't offend anyone as that is never my goal. I also tried to tone down the sexual talk as well. Now so long cow fuckers! SolarGamer is signing off for this special New Year's edition of the Super Mario 128 Central E-mail Bag Extravaganza!

Tiger: Another emailbag with hardly questions, just statements. What a contradiction!

Homer: Shut up, i don't even want to read this.

FireKraken: Little sanity is what I call Hairball! ...

Net-tech: We have lives, we don't spend our time checking if you have asked a question before. It's been fucking four years.

Peachy: No thanks NO ONE can EVER bring sanity to this site so HA.

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